Sacha Baron Cohen

Published by eleday on

Time says: Do you promise to be concise?

Time says: Will this day never end?

Carl ‘Nobby’ Butcher says: …You can’t hurt us, we’ve got bulletproof glass

Carl ‘Nobby’ Butcher says: You can’t hurt us, we’ve got bulletproof glass.

Borat Sagdiyev says: You will be my boyfriend.

General Aladeen says: I accept your job offer as general manager.

Zoey says: Well you can’t be the manager because I’m the manager.

Zoey says: Well you can’t be the manager because I’m the manager.

General Aladeen says: Well I can if I killed you.

General Aladeen says: Good morning Nadal! Wake up, Good Morning Nadal!

Nadal says: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nadal says: Waaaaaaaaaa!

General Aladeen says: (goes to the bathtub where Nadal is bathing)Hello Nadal!

General Aladeen says: Hello Nadal!

Nadal says: Oh that is weird!

General Aladeen says: Do you sell any assault rifles?

General Aladeen says: (Changes “Procused” to “Waterboard) You promise not to steal again?

General Aladeen says: You promise not to steal again?

Store Customer says: I won’t. I won’t!

General Aladeen says: Give him one more for fun, Viktor.

General Aladeen says: Don’t worry. I am Wadiya’s number one actor. You don’t twin four Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.

Nadal says: Yes, you do, because you gave them to yourself!

General Aladeen says: My performance in Aladeen Jones and the Temple of Doom was outstanding.

Nadal says: I give it thumbs down.

General Aladeen says: Have you seen You’ve Got Mail Bomb?

Nadal says: Yes, I’ve seen them all! They’re all terrible movies!

Bruno says: Mein plan was to become the biggest gay movie star since Schwarzenegger.

General Aladeen says: I’m attracted to you in a really fucked up way.

Thénardier says: Everybody raise a glass!

Thernardier says: Let’s not haggle for darling Colette!

Madame Thenardier says: (SOFTLY) Cosette!

Madame Thenardier says: Cosette!

Thernardier says: Cosette.

King Julien says: (shows dead human) Don’t you just love the people.. Not a very lively bunch though

King Julien says: [shows dead human] Don’t you just love the people… Not a very lively bunch though.

King Julien says: Everyone (shush noise), that’s right (shush noise) how’s making that noise!. Oh it’s me again

King Julien says: Everyone [shush noise] that’s right [shush noise] how’s making that noise! Oh it’s me again.

King Julien says: (the penguins are trying to get Alex to eat fish instead of meat) theres always plan B (shows Mort)

King Julien says: [the penguins are trying to get Alex to eat fish instead of meat] There’s always plan B. [shows Mort]

King Julien says: I created a ingenious plan, to see if these are savage, killers…

Mort says: (being thrown into the open) No! Please

Mort says: [being thrown into the open] No! Please.

King Julien says: Welcome to Madagascar.

Marty the Zebra says: Mada-who-ah?

King Julien says: No. Not who-ah. As-car.

Station inspector says: We’ll let the orphanage deal with you

Hugo Cabret says: No! I don’t belong there!

Station inspector says: Where do you belong then? A child has to belong somewhere!

Hugo Cabret says: Listen to me! Please, please listen to me! You don’t understand! You have to let me go. I don’t understand why, why father died, why I’m alone. It is my only chance.. to work (looks at the Inspector’s artificial leg). You should understand!

Hugo Cabret says: Listen to me! Please, please listen to me! You don’t understand! You have to let me go. I don’t understand why, why father died, why I’m alone. It is my only chance.. to work. [looks at the Inspector’s artificial leg] You should understand!

Georges Méliès says: I do. I do. Monsieur, this child belongs to me.

Thénardier says: The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only.â??

Thénardier says: The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only.

Inspector Javert says: My name is Javert! Do not forget my name!

Thénardier says: I’m Javert! Do not forget my name!

Thernardier says: Everybody raise a glass!

Madame Thenardier says: Raise it up the master arse!

King Julien says: I’m the first flying monkey!

Megan Fox says: Katy Perry said she got a diamond Rolex

Megan Fox says: Katy Perry said she got a diamond-crested Rolex.

General Aladeen says: Well, she let me aladeen in her face.

General Aladeen says: Give a man a vagina and he will shpichs for a day. Teach a man to use his hand as a vagina, and he will shpichs for a lifetime.

General Aladeen says: Give a man a vagina and he will shpichs for a day. Teach a man to use his hand as a vagina, and he will shpichs for a lifetime.

General Aladeen says: You seem educated.

Zoey says: Yes, I went to Amherst.

General Aladeen says: I love it when women go to school. It’s like seeing a monkey on roller skates. It means nothing to them, but it’s so adorable for us.

General Aladeen says: Sub Saharan, can you have 150 child warriors here by 5:00pm?

Nadal says: i am a mac genius.

Nadal says: I’m a Mac Genius!

General Aladeen says: so what do you do?

General Aladeen says: What do you do?

Nadal says: Mostly I clean semen out of laptops.

Nadal says: Mostly, I clean semen out of laptops.

General Aladeen says: Why are you guys so anti-dictators? Imagine if America was a dictatorship. You could let 1% of the people have all the nation’s wealth. You could help your rich friends get richer by cutting their taxes. And bailing them out when they gamble and lose. You could ignore the needs of the poor for health care and education. Your media would appear free, but would secretly be controlled by one person and his family. You could wiretap phones. You could torture foreign prisoners. You could have rigged elections. You could lie about why you go to war. You could fill your prisons with one particular racial group, and no one would complain. You could use the media to scare the people into supporting policies that are against their interests.

King Julien says: [To Maurice] Wow, New York looks like a dump. Are sure were not in New Jersey?

King Julien says: [to Maurice] Wow, New York looks like a dump. Are sure were not in New Jersey?

King Julien says: This plane ride is really starting to freak me out!

King Julien says: This lady is really starting to freak me out!

Thernardier says: Everybody raise a glass!

Thénardier says: Everybody raise a glass!

Madame Thenardier says: Raise it up the master’s ass!

Madame Thenardier says: Raise it up the master’s arse!

Aladeen/Efawadh says: “what sorcery is this?

Aladeen/Efawadh says: Wait, what sorcery is this?

Nadal says: Just do like a pull-up. You know how you do pull-ups?

Aladeen/Efawadh says: I invented the pull-up.

Nadal says: Look, where has being a nice guy gotten you, huh? of a bridge about to commit suicide? Still wearing Crocs?

Aladeen/Efawadh says: What’s wrong with Crocs?

Nadal says: They are the universal symbol of a man who has given up hope!

Waiter/Minister says: What is your name?

General Aladeen says: Allison Burgers.

Waiter/Minister says: That’s a made up name. What is your real name?

General Aladeen says: Ladis.

Waiter/Minister says: Ladis what?

General Aladeen says: Ladis Washirum.

Waiter/Minister says: So your name is like the sign, Ladies’ Washroom.

General Aladeen says: Oh.

Waiter/Minister says: That is a made up name.

General Aladeen says: He is not a legitimate leader! He is not a legitimate leader!

General Aladeen says: Nobody touch the minibar – it’s a fucking rip-off!

General Aladeen says: Nobody touch the minibar? It’s a fucking rip-off!

General Aladeen says: [To NYPD patrol car]How much do you charge for assassinations?

General Aladeen says: [to NYPD patrol car] How much do you charge for assassinations?

General Aladeen says: Twenty dollars a day for internet? What the fuck?! And they accuse me of being an international criminal?

Nadal says: Why do you have Vita Coco water?

General Aladeen says: Because it has as much potassium as three bananas.

Nadal says: The line is still too heavy. Is there anything else in your pockets that could be weighing you down?

Nadal says: Oh, you kidding. So then why did you bring three bananas?

General Aladeen says: Because I don’t trust the advertising. I’m naturally suspicious.

General Aladeen says: You’ve broken my heart into “Aladeen” pieces.

General Aladeen says: You’ve broken my heart into ‘Aladeen’ pieces.

General Aladeen says: If I got a dollar for everytime I heard that

General Aladeen says: If I got a dollar for everytime I heard that.

General Aladeen says: “It’s not amazing, it’s just a little less shit.”

General Aladeen says: It’s not amazing, it’s just a little less shit.

Ricky Bobby says: I will not shake your hand, but I will give you this. [kisses Jean Girard]

Jean Girard says: You taste of America.

Ricky Bobby says: Thank you.

King Julien says: she has a hairy. i like that in a woman

King Julien says: Ooh, you have a very hairy back. I like that in a woman.

Borat Sagdiyev says: May George Bush drink the blood of every man woman and child in Iraq!

General Aladeen says: You go to the bathroom after Osama, you will realize the true meaning of terrorism

General Aladeen says: You go to the bathroom after Osama, you will realize the true meaning of terrorism.

King Julien says: Ohh Baby don’t be sad, I’ll get you something even better!!! (He gets the Bear a motorcycle)

King Julien says: Ohh Baby don’t be sad, I’ll get you something even better! [he gets the Bear a motorcycle]

Pregnant Woman says: Crocs are a sign of a man who’s given up

Aladeen/Efawadh says: What’s wrong with crocs?

Nadal says: They’re the universe’s symbol of a man who’s given up hope!

King Julien says: Um, excuse me, inflight slave?

Private says: What can I get for you, your majesty?

King Julien says: Bring me my nuts, on a silver platter!

King Julien says: Whoa! What a women!

Borat Sagdiyev says: Do your vagjin hang like sleeve of wizard?

General Aladeen says: What are Civil Rights?

Head Nuclear Scientist says: They’re hilarious, I’ll tell you about them sometime.

Zoey says: Take out the trash.

Aladeen/Efawadh says: [throws trash can at taxi cab]

General Aladeen says: I love it when women go to school. It’s like seeing a monkey on roller skates — it means nothing to them, but it’s so adorable for us.

Store Customer says: “God, the police are such fascist bastards.” Aladeen: “Yes, and not even in a good way.”

Store Customer says: God, the police are such fascist bastards.

Aladeen/Efawadh says: Yes, and not even in a good way.

Friendly Customer says: You’re such a nice man.

Aladeen/Efawadh says: What the fuck did you just say to me?

Friendly Customer says: I said you’re a nice man.

General Aladeen says: “It’s a girl. Where’s the trash can?”

General Aladeen says: It’s a girl. Where’s the trash can?

General Aladeen says: Now who is the Lasist?

General Aladeen says: Yakhmandel yakhmandeli ais aisha….I just made that up

General Aladeen says: Yakhmandel yakhmandeli ais aisha… I just made that up!

General Aladeen says: Give a man a vagina and he will spick for the day, teach a man to use his hand as a vagina and he will spick for a life time.

General Aladeen says: I love being an American

General Aladeen says: I love being an American.

General Aladeen says: ahh america birthplace of AIDS

General Aladeen says: Ahh.. America, the birth place of AIDS.

Zoey says: Could you please take your hands off my breasts ?

Zoey says: Could you please take your hands off my breasts?

Aladeen/Efawadh says: Those are breasts ? I thought you are a boy.

Aladeen/Efawadh says: Those are breasts? I thought you are a boy.

Aladeen/Efawadh says: Oh it’s a girl. I’m so sorry. Where’s the trashcan?

Pregnant Woman says: Oh no we want it!

General Aladeen says: Megan, you are worth every penny!

General Aladeen says: Ahhh America, the birthplace of AIDS

General Aladeen says: Ahhh America, the birthplace of AIDS.

General Aladeen says: [to NYPD patrol car] Is there any way you could lend me some money… maybe twenty million dollars?

General Aladeen says: [rings bell] Next!

Borat Sagdiyev says: My name-a Borat!

Station inspector says: Seems Maximilian doesn’t like the cut of your jib, little man. He is disturbed by your physiognomy. He is upset by your visage. Why would he not like your face, eh?

Bruno says: I am going to be the biggest Austrian celebrity since Hitler.

Borat Sagdiyev says: I want to buy a car with pussy magnet.

Station inspector says: “You drunken buffon!”

Station inspector says: You drunken buffoon!

Station inspector says: “Where are your parents, little man?”

Station inspector says: Where are your parents, little man?

Station inspector says: “Little man.”

Station inspector says: Little man.

Station inspector says: “That is suspicious.”

Station inspector says: That is suspicious.

Borat Sagdiyev says: This is Nathalia[makes out] She’s my sister.

Borat Sagdiyev says: This is Nathalia. [makes out] She’s my sister.

Borat Sagdiyev says: Hi my name-a Borat I like you. I like sex, It nice.

Borat Sagdiyev says: Hi my name-a Borat I like you. I like sex, it’s nice.

Borat Sagdiyev says: Pamela, I am not attracted to you anymore…NOT!

Borat Sagdiyev says: This-a Urkin, the town rapist. Naughty, naughty.

Borat Sagdiyev says: I like you. I like sex, VERY much!

Station inspector says: I have mastered 3 smiles

Station inspector says: I have mastered three smiles.

Bruno says: I am going to be the biggest Austrian celebrity since Hitler.

Bruno says: Can I give you guys a word of advice? Lose the beards, because your King Osama looks like a kind of dirty wizard… or a homeless Santa.

Borat Sagdiyev says: I arrived in America’s airport with clothings, US dollars, and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.

Borat Sagdiyev says: When you chase a dream, especially one with plastic chests, you sometimes do not see what is right in front of

Borat Sagdiyev says: When you chase a dream, especially one with plastic chests, you sometimes do not see what is right in front of you.

Borat Sagdiyev says: You telling me the man who try to put a rubber fist in my anus was a homosexual?

Borat Sagdiyev says: You telling me the man who try to put a rubber fist in my anus was a homosexual?

Borat Sagdiyev says: Who is this CJ woman?

Borat Sagdiyev says: NOT!!

Borat Sagdiyev says: NOT!

Borat Sagdiyev says: If I give you good price you put in pussy magnet.

Borat Sagdiyev says: If I give you good price, will you please put in pussy magnet?

Borat Sagdiyev says: My name Borat. I like you. I like sex. It’s nice.

Borat Sagdiyev says: Although Kazakhstan a glorious country, it have a problem, too: economic, social, and Jew.

King Julien says: Wake up, Mr. Alex… Wake up, Mr. Alex… Rise and shining…. Wakey, wakey Mr. Alex! Wake up, Alex!

King Julien says: Wake up, Mr. Alex. Wake up, Mr. Alex. Rise and shining. Wakey, wakey Mr. Alex! Wake up, Alex!

Alex the Lion says: [wakes up surprised]

King Julien says: You suck your thumb?

Adolfo Pirelli says: May the good Lord smile on you.

King Julien says: I like to move it, move it!

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